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Some good advice.....
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Old
#1
Tuesday, October 4, 2011, 8:17 pm
Mr_Jezuz
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Default Some good advice.....

1. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

2. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

3. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If it can't be fixed with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

7. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

9. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

10. Some people are like Slinkys. Not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.
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#2
Tuesday, October 4, 2011, 8:45 pm
Slappy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr_Jezuz View Post
2. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
Oh ****! I'm choking on an ice cube! I better put a pot of water on to melt it..

10 minutes later


Thanks for the jokes
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#3
Tuesday, October 4, 2011, 10:07 pm
Slippy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr_Jezuz View Post
10. Some people are like Slinkys. Not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.
<--- me
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#4
Tuesday, October 4, 2011, 11:04 pm
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LMFFAO nice advice!
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Wednesday, October 5, 2011, 1:48 am
Mr_Jezuz
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RE: #9 a true gentleman takes the dishes out of the sink first
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Thursday, October 6, 2011, 10:49 pm
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Quote:
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RE: #9 a true gentleman takes the dishes out of the sink first
Shower is a bigger target.
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#7
Friday, October 7, 2011, 12:15 am
Mr_Jezuz
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Shower is a bigger target.
At that point I would just lay down on the bathroom floor and become a human version of the whirlybird sprinkler(do they still make those even?) singing about how I love when it rains in cuckooland
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#8
Thursday, October 13, 2011, 10:05 pm
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I will try #1.
good advises J.
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